Feeling Stuck

There have been numerous times in my life when I've felt stuck: whether it was due to being in a relationship that I knew wasn't working for me but was too afraid to end it (consciously or unconsciously), working in a job that was stifling my creativity or that I just flat out didn't enjoy but was afraid to leave due to finances or that leaving meant facing my fears of failure, etc; or even just feeling stuck in an emotion (sadness, loneliness, frustration). To feel stuck is such a common human experience, and yet can feel quite uncomfortable and we can feel quite isolated in it.

Typically there is some sort of belief or fear getting in our way, keeping us stuck where we are. Sometimes it can depend on timing, too, and it just isn't the right time yet, or we haven't learned enough of what we're needing to learn in that situation. Usually right before I make a leap or change, I feel incredibly uncomfortable: sometimes like my skin is crawling and I can't stand being in or with myself. Sometimes in order for us to make hard changes, we have to get frustrated enough where we are finally motivated to do something different, something that we percieve as also making us uncomfortable. As you probably know, these are not fun moments, but important ones that happen regularly and help us to grow and move forward.

I've found a few things to be helpful in these moments. One that is rarely taught or practiced is to accept the resistance: accept what it is you're resisting, usually the emotion or belief. I can remember several relationships that I wasn't ready to end due to getting other needs met (ex. afraid of feeling lonely and so staying in the relationship was a way to avoid dealing with both the fear of feeling lonely and the feeling of loneliness itself). I began acknolwedging that I just wasn't ready to end it yet, I wasn't ready to face loneliness, and that that is OK. You see, when we are already having a hard time-bumping up against our fears and whatnot, it certaintly doesn't help to add self-judgement on top of that. What we really need in those moments is more compassion for ourselves, as we're having a hard time. I've found through the years when I can accept whatever I am resisting, it actually starts to naturally shift. In that particular situation, it wasn't long after that I found the couarge to end the relationship that wasn't serving me.

Another practice that can help when we're feeling stuck is to reach for inspiration. If you're looing for a job or career change, interview people who have made that change and found out how they did it, what they needed, etc. If you're having a hard time with an emotion, talk to other people and ask what they do when they're feeling that way, what helps them. Read about whatever it is that you're going through. Find movies where the charachters are struggling with similar topics, a way to not only let your emotions release and to feel compassion for yourself, but also to brainstorm ideas of how others have handled those situations (even if it might be the Hollywood perspective). Get in touch with your creativity-express yourself through an art project. Creativity is a way to move us through our emotions that talking and thinking just can't provide for us. Remember to do things that you enjoy. Reconnect with your spirituality and how you make sense of what happens to you and your life. Walk in nature. Spend some time with animals. Reconnect with your humor-doing things that make you laugh or being around funny people. Any kind of exercise releases "happy" endorphins.

Lastly, typically when we are feeling stuck we are also feeling more fear (anxiety, hopelessness, scarcity) rather than love (gratitude, abundance, connection). When we are feeling and acting from a place of fear, it is much harder to get the results that we want, as we tend to see everything through that fear lense. Ways to help that move is to one, make friends with your fear (I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about the future right now, and that is OK. I'm feeling really hopeless, and that's OK). Trust that the emotion will move, as it always always does. You can even remember times in your life where that emotion or situation passed, remembering that you survived it and made it out on the other side. Secondly, making a daily gratitude list can help shift your perspective from fear to love. Typically when we feel stuck, we aren't feeling very grateful, so this can be a bit of a challenge. The list only needs a few items every day, and it can be as simple as I'm grateful for this cup of coffee. I'm grateful for the heat in my house. What's important is that you're shifting your lense on life.

Keep on keepin' on, and remember that you're NORMAL with whatever it is you're feeling. People just don't always talk about it or know how to.